A year ago, Emmeli Thorselius was diagnosed with ADHD. Now she is writing the book The Naughty Sisters T, a lovely story in rhyme, inspired by her own life as a mother to a bunch of naughty, resourceful and stubborn girls with NPF diagnoses. We had a long and exciting conversation with Emmeli about prejudices about what girls should be like and how the diagnoses can manifest themselves in everyday life.

In her daily life, Emmeli works with leadership and as an organizational coach. A year ago, Emmeli was diagnosed with ADHD and she says that one of her challenges in everyday life is...

"I'm great at knowing what to do, being on time and keeping track of things, but it takes a lot of energy and strength to succeed. Only now am I starting to try to adapt my everyday life to make it work for me, my family and my job," says Emmeli.

ADHD has a high heritability, so it was not surprising for the family when there were several people with that diagnosis.

"We have had to fight to get an investigation as the diagnostic criteria are set based on boys. Girls' ADHD is more often noticed as attention deficits and less in the form of impulsive emotional expressions or motor overactivity. While boys often have acting-out problems, girls have more introverted symptoms with low self-esteem and sadness. "Many girls mask their behavior at school and then they come home and are completely devastated."

Hyperactivity and impulsivity can be expressed in different ways

Emmeli thinks it's important to talk about the fact that hyperactivity can be expressed in different ways. Some children want to be on the move all the time, while for others, hyperactivity comes out as frustration, outbursts and strong emotions.

"For me, for example, it's important to exercise physically. That became very clear during my pregnancies. When I didn't get that outlet, a lot of frustration built up in my body instead."

Impulsivity can be about both big and small things in everyday life. Staying focused on one thing can be a challenge.

"I know I'm going to hang up the laundry, then I see a toothbrush on the way and I take it with me, and on my way back from the bathroom I see a sock and I have to pick it up. A little Alfons Åberg, I'm just going to...
Or if I'm going to get a water bottle for a child, I go to the kitchen and start washing dishes there instead and then I come back to the child without a water bottle... I try to explain this to my children."

Emmeli also says that it's hard as a mother not always having the patience to do things.

"I find it hard to do things where I don't have a clear task, like going to a playground. Just standing and watching and not knowing how long we're going to last and what the next step is is hard for me. Then it's easier to start a big picnic outing, something that others would find hard, but for me it's easier than standing still and just waiting."

Without routines and clarity, there will be chaos.

One of Emmeli's children has a dual NPF diagnosis, both ADHD and autism, and is in great need of clear rules and routines.

"If she's stuck on something, she needs to know exactly what it means, otherwise she can't move on. We can't go to someone's house if she doesn't know how long we're going to be there, why we're going there and what her task is. What should I do? Who should I talk to? What kind of food will we have? She needs to know when we're going home and if we don't keep to that exact time, there will be chaos in her head."

Having a strong need for routines and time for unforeseen events is demanding. For example, two hours are needed in the morning to prepare for the change that is about to happen, i.e. school.

"If we do something we don't usually do in the afternoon so that dinner is pushed forward, and we don't have time for supper... then there will be chaos in the system. Right now, it's on a minute schedule so that everything runs as smoothly as possible."

The importance of understanding and adaptations in school

ADHD and autism are not always visible on the outside. Small things that are difficult for others to understand can have a very big meaning. Children with autism are often sensory sensitive. It can be about sounds, textures of food, whether the food is hot or cold. It was the challenges in the dining room that made Emmeli's daughter finally have to do an investigation.

"I want to emphasize the need to give children the right conditions. For example, we have had problems with sports at school. Our daughter has a really hard time being flexible and understanding deviations. We have said that after gym everyone should shower, that is her routine. When they had a CPR course at school and the children didn't have to shower afterwards, it became really hard. Something that is very easy to understand for others can be very difficult for our child with autism.

Or as a friend told me, she told her son that he had to put on a new pair of underwear every day. After a week, she discovered that he had five pairs of underwear on: "You said I should put on a new pair of underwear every day." He followed the instructions and it was not obvious to him that this meant taking off the others first.

One thing that is positive about autism is that she is very honest, she has no reason to lie and gets very offended if people think she is not telling the truth because that is what she always does.

"I feel it's important to respect children with autism, to trust that they are telling the truth because they see no reason to be dishonest. It becomes very provocative not to be believed."

The messy sisters T show that girls can be many different ways

Emmeli talks about the process of creating the book, saying that the most fun part was doing it together with the children.

"My oldest daughter was involved in the book's content, like marshmallows up her nose! The fact that we got to make it together was a very positive force. Hearing her creative ideas!

One thing in the book that I think is important is the role of the mother. I can identify with her a lot, mothers who actually get angry. She makes mistakes, desperately trying to get the children to stop by pulling in candy and toads. I hope the moral of the whole thing is that no matter how hard she tries to get them to stop, they are who they are!

I want to bring out the gender perspective, show that girls can function in different ways and that mothers get angry. And that they don't apologize for their ADHD, or their behavior, but that they just are.

I hope that both parents and children will recognize themselves. The mother's emotions that also spread in different directions. And I hope that children will think it's fun with these crazy, unruly girls. And so at the end they have promised not to make any more noise, but there is still a new noise going on!"

Before Emmeli signed a contract with OLIKA, she received a long, angry email from a publisher at another publishing house.

"He was clearly very provoked by the story about girls being naughty! For me, it now feels even more important that the book is spread and read by many. Because I don't think we are the only exception."

Emmeli's tips

"In everyday life, I always try to show the children that I see them: I see you, I see that you are angry, I see that you are sad, we will not be able to do this anyway even if you really want to. I think it is important that my children feel that I am trying to understand, that they are not alone and invisible.

And I would like to recommend Lotta Borg Skoglund. She really stands up for girls' and women's ADHD. She talks a lot about co-morbidity, that ADHD is not always shown through typical behaviors, but it can be an eating disorder or anxiety problem that is visible outwardly. But to dare to look past that."

Thank you so much Emmeli for letting us talk to you! Now we hope the book takes off!💜

Here you can find Emmeli's book The Messy Sisters T