Forget not is a magazine published by SPEC that supports those who have lost someone to suicide. In the latest issue, the theme was LGBTQI and Kristina Henkel was interviewed. Among other things, she talks about the heteronorm as a major risk factor for mental illness.

- If we talk about the fact that we can feel like a girl, a guy, non-binary and that
there are three different pronouns she, hen and he, we give everyone an understanding that
there are multiple gender identities and that we ourselves decide who we want to be.

Kristina lectures on gender equality and normative creativity. She is basically a political scientist with a gender focus, but is perhaps best known as one of two authors of the book Give your child 100 opportunities instead of 2, which was published in 2009.

Why is gender equality good for children?

- Treating children equally is about empowering them so that they have a lot of room for action. We show what we can do and how we can express ourselves to influence our own lives and, by extension, the society we live in. This creates confident children who dare to be themselves instead of being limited by stereotypes. Equality is not about taking things away but about adding. Barbie can wear her high heels because it's good when she has to spy on the bad guys because then she gets extra tall. Batman becomes a very kind and caring father who of course drives the Batmobile slowly when he has his children in the back seat.

What can we do to ensure that children feel safe being themselves regardless of their gender identity and gender expression?

- It's cool for small children to play with all materials and with everyone, regardless of whether they
are boys, girls or non-binary, but when they are three or four years old they understand that it is important to "do gender" in our culture. Then, as an adult, it is important to confirm the child and that he can choose for himself whether it is he, he or she. It is also important to convey that gender identity and gender expression can be something that changes over time just as favorite food, favorite clothes and so on change with age.

Trans people are a very vulnerable group. These are brutal numbers both for mental illness, suicide and for being exposed to violence and violations. When we talk to
all children that we decide for ourselves whether we want to be she, he or he, we give an understanding that all people are really equally valuable. By doing so, we prevent young people from taking their own lives. Society is incredibly much more inclusive of transgender people today and it affects us all that understanding is more widespread. Recognition is also important, such as highlighting role models such as transgender people: Tone Sekelius who sings in the melody festival and Lee Christiernsson who is a celebrity carpenter on TV.

Some parents worry that their sons will become gay if they wear a dress, but gender expression and gender identity are not related to sexuality. In the same way that all heterosexual women don't wear dresses. As a parent, it is natural to worry about your child being bullied, but we cannot vaccinate children against being teased. Kids can get teased for wearing an ugly sweater, glasses, nail polish, anything. We wouldn't say you can wear the glasses
at home and not school because then you risk being teased. The strategy is instead to
teach children tools to speak up if they are being teased and to help and speak up if a friend is being teased.

How can we ensure that the children are not limited by the heteronorm?

- The heteronorm affects a lot of friendships for children. When a girl and a boy play
together adults might say they "are so cute they'll probably get married" as we adults assume they're in love unlike if two guys are playing. Children unfortunately adapt to this and opt out of friends accordingly, thus losing friendships due to the heteronorm. To counteract that, we can give the children role models where boys and girls are friends and talk to all children that we choose for ourselves who we want to fall in love with, a she, he or she.

If we don't talk about it, it will be old stereotypes that are recreated and that do
that we have narrow lives. But are we talking about gender identity, gender expression and the heteronorm
so children in the future will not have to "come out" as an LGBTQ person/queer/
homo- bisexual, transgender and so on.

Many people feel very unwell before they come out. The heteronorm is a major risk factor for mental illness. Even maintaining the ideal in the heteronorm creates a lot of stress - such as for example that women should be good-looking, sexy, have a nice home and be super-moms and that men should be muscular, provide for the family and bite and not show emotion.

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